


Normal

by aaliona



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Five, Asexual Vanya, Gen, I suppose if you squint it could be pre-Vanya/Five, Pansexual Klaus, Self-Reflection, Vanya is the well-adjusted one, coming to terms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 02:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18379091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaliona/pseuds/aaliona
Summary: For a long time Vanya considered it one more reason she didn’t work right. It didn’t make her average; it made her broken. Her therapist said she had a self-defeatist attitude and that it was perfectly normal to feel the way she did.





	Normal

For a long time Vanya considered it one more reason she didn’t work right. It didn’t make her average; it made her broken.

Her therapist said she had a self-defeatist attitude and that it was perfectly normal to feel the way she did.

It was wrong to like your siblings in a normal family, but Vanya had always felt the Umbrella Academy was more of a boarding school than a family anyway. The rules about attraction had never really applied to them.

Luther and Allison were, well, Luther and Allison. Ben and Diego had once been caught jerking off over the same dirty magazine, although each swore repeatedly they weren’t doing it together. Klaus spent a lot of time staring unashamedly at Luther and Diego’s arms, especially during training. And Vanya couldn’t ignore Five and Diego occasionally checking out her chest when they thought she wouldn’t notice.

Vanya sometimes was glad Ben had eyes that were as kind and gentle as he was. That was the closest she came to her sibling’s desires.

Aside from Five’s disappearance, Vanya was the first, taking off at eighteen. She got into a music school (but wasn’t good enough for Julliard) and pretended she’d never looked back.

She learned a few things in college.

A) Her meds didn’t mix well with alcohol unless she wanted to be unconscious within the hour. 

B) It took her twice as long to nail a music section as most of her peers.

C) She did not want sex.

Vanya had hoped things would change when it wasn’t her siblings, but that didn’t seem to be the case. She still didn’t care about physical attractiveness beyond “soft” and “safe.” She didn’t mind kissing, especially if she was kissing girls, but the moment someone grabbed her butt or ran a gentle hand along her thigh, it was over. She went from safe to panicked, from comfortable to on edge in all the wrong ways. 

That wasn’t a good look for college hookups, and her few interested peers moved on.

Vanya’s therapist gave it a name, called it asexuality, and told her it was normal. Vanya wasn’t sure she believed in the normality when everything from TV shows to advertisements to overheard conversation on the bus told her otherwise, but she appreciated the support.

Her therapist also said it was bad form to blame her years of isolation for all her problems now, but Vanya couldn’t help blaming her lack of social skills developed during that time for her isolation now. She didn’t meet new people outside of her lessons and rehearsal, and that made friends hard and relationships impossible. Vanya tried not to be depressed about her love life, but it was hard when she hadn’t had any interest since college. Vanya knew most people would turn tail and run the moment she said no sex, but how could she test it without people to tell in the first place?

Then she met Leonard. 

He was sweet and kind, and he looked at Vanya like she was talented, like she mattered.

Like there was no one in the world he’d rather be talking with.

She couldn’t wrap her head around it. Why her? What was special about her? Absolutely nothing as far as Vanya could tell (and had been told her whole life), but Leonard seemed to notice something about her that no one else could.

The first time he kissed her, Leonard held Vanya so carefully, as if he thought she might break. His lips were firm, though, and Vanya spent that night thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him. She could almost picture it. It wouldn’t be so bad.

Then they kissed again, and his hands wrapped a little too tightly around her hips. 

Vanya practically flew back, ripping herself from his grasp.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, waiting for it to be all over. Too much of a good thing, no matter what Allison had to say about it. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I- I can’t.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Leonard said, and she could have kissed him again for it. “I know this is all moving so fast. We can go slow—so much slower. It will be okay, Vanya. I don’t want to push you into anything you don’t want.”

The first part worried her. Go slow implied an eventual move toward intimacy that Vanya couldn’t handle. But the second part said everything Vanya needed to hear. I don’t want to push you didn’t anything you don’t want. If Vanya didn’t want sex, Leonard wasn’t going to make her. And it didn’t sound like he would leave her for it.

She was so grateful for him, for everything. He’d handled her gaining powers so well, and now here he was hinting that her sexuality wouldn’t be a problem. Vanya moved back in and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips in thanks. 

She found the journal later that night, and everything went to shit. 

…

Despite their promises, her siblings were all on eggshells around her after they fixed everything. Vanya tried not to be bitter about it. She understood to some extent, especially since she was still learning to control things.

Luther tried to give her pep talks that were just awkward.

Allison was still playing big sister, still using Vanya as an outlet despite fixing her custody agreement and having her daughter every other week. She’d spend that week in LA to keep Claire’s school schedule consistent, then fly back to Luther and the rest as a distraction from missing her baby girl.

Diego had never particularly liked her, so his attempts now were sweet enough but misguided. She didn’t want to train with him. She had no interest in hand-to-hand combat.

Five gave her space and occasionally poured her a martini when it seemed like she’d had a bad day. They’d always understood each other as children, and now that they were back on the same page, it seemed some connections never went away.

Klaus had his own unique approach. He didn’t try very often, but when he did, his attempt at support was asking odd and often unanswerable questions.

One day Vanya was practicing in the study. Five and Allison were over by the bar reading their preferred literature while Klaus was sprawled out on the couch beside her. Vanya lowered her violin, taking a second to considering remarking a tricky section.

In the silence, Klaus asked, “So how do your powers work during sex?”

She froze, forcing herself to release a breath as the lights above them buzzed a little too loudly.

“Klaus!” Allison admonished. She stood up, looking like she intended to drag him out by his glittery boots.

“It’s fine,” Vanya said to cut off Allison’s mom lecture. “I’m not—I guess it makes sense to ask.” It didn’t. Vanya would never have considered it. “It isn’t a problem.”

“That much control, huh,” Klaus mused.

“No, it’s—” Vanya huffed, unsure how to explain herself in a way that would make sense to Klaus without feeling like she was sharing too much. “I haven’t been in that situation and don’t intend to be.”

“Vanya,” Allison said with pity in her voice at the same time Klaus commented, “Wow, way to have faith in your own ability to pull.”

For the first time in their conversation, Five looked up from his book. The look he gave Vanya was unreadable.

“I’m not being hard on myself,” Vanya insisted.

“Don’t think like that,” Allison said. “Vanya, you’re an amazing person. Just because you’re not having luck right now doesn’t mean you won’t some—”

“No.” She said it with a sense of finality, and the lights above her flickered as if to prove her point. Vanya tried not to feel guilty as her siblings looked up in alarm. “It won’t be a problem because I don’t want that.”

Klaus looked at her blankly. “I’m lost. How could anyone not want sex? Forced celibacy isn’t a good look. Ask Luther.”

Allison flushed, but Vanya jumped in before that could turn into its own argument. “It isn’t forced anything. I’m not interested in sex. I’m asexual.”

She’d never said it out loud to anyone but her therapist before. The words seem to ring through the air, but Vanya suspected that was in her own mind. Afraid of what she would find, her eyes darted from sibling to sibling. Klaus looked like he was in baffled denial. Allison looked confused. And Five, Five was still unreadable. Considering how good she’d gotten at nonverbal signals with him as children, Vanya didn’t like not being able to tell what he was thinking or even feeling.

“I don’t get it,” Klaus announced. Vanya braced herself to be berated and was pleasantly surprised when it didn’t come. “I can appreciate that different perspective, and I’m glad you’ve been in a place in life with that much self-reflection to be able to not only realize but acknowledge it. God, you really are the well-adjusted one.”

Allison bristled, taking that as an insult to her own independence, but she didn’t comment, instead moving forward to give Vanya a hug. “We support you no matter what your preference are.” In retaliation for his combo of digs at her, Allison added, “We’ve supported Klaus, after all, and his type is anything that moves.”

“I resemble that comment!” he declared loudly before slithering off the couch in a way that only Klaus could do. “This little heart to heart was fun, but I think I’m done with emotions. Anyone know where our stuffy dynamic duo have gone?” And he wandered off in search of Luther or Diego.

Allison checked her watch, biting her lip. “I should get going. Claire’s going to call any minute.” She looked up at Vanya again, searching her face for approval. “We can talk about this more later?”

“If you want,” Vanya said faintly. She wasn’t sure what more there was to say about it.

Soon she and Five were left alone in the room. He was staring down at the drink on the counter before him, and since she didn’t know what to say, Vanya picked up her case and left the room. She stopped on the stairs to pack her violin away before heading up to her bedroom. All in all, that had gone better than she ever would have expected with her siblings.

At dinner, Luther made some vaguely confused but supportive comment, and Diego merely nodded. Vanya assumed Allison had prepped them both. Five still said nothing.

He found her that evening as she flipped through a beginner level violin book searching for a good solo piece for one of her students. Vanya looked up as Five entered the room, unable to stop herself from going tense, especially when he shut the door behind him.

“It’s perfectly normal,” Vanya said defensively and then felt silly for doing it. Five hadn’t said anything one way or another. It wasn’t fair to assume he was there to tell her all the reasons her sexuality didn’t exist.

“I didn’t know that,” he said, voice quiet. It had no heat to it, and Vanya wondered again why Five was there. “I always thought it was just me.”

Vanya couldn’t have heard right.

Five continued as though he hadn’t expected an answer anyway. “For a long time, I thought it was because of the way I’d been isolated. Not a lot of action to be had in the apocalypse.” He chuckled dryly, although only Klaus would have found the joke funny. “As much as Diego and Klaus like to joke about Dolores, it was never like that. I loved her for her companionship, yes, but it was always respectful, platonic love. I adored her and while I did occasionally indulge in a little stress relief, Dolores was never involved. I would never in front of her.”

That was more information than Vanya needed, and she put down her music self-consciously.

Five leaned against the doorframe. “When I got back, I wondered if things would change. I am a teenager again, after all. This is the age of randy experimentation, but aside from the occasional self-indulgence, I’ve had no further interests. I don’t imagine women or men. I don’t lust after Allison’s celebrity friends or the girls in Diego’s magazines he gave me trying to be helpful. I have no interest in the touch of others.”

He finally looked at Vanya, and she wasn’t sure what to do with the eye contact.

“Do you think you’re asexual?” she asked.

Five shrugged. “I never thought about it having a name. I just assumed something broke in my isolation. I didn’t research or go looking for an explanation.”

“It doesn’t have an explanation, and it doesn’t mean you’re broken.” Considering how often Vanya had wondered about it herself, she was surprised at the heat with which she defended it of Five. “Being asexual is just the way some people are. Historically the answer has been ‘grin and bare it,’ especially toward people who were expected to marry and produce children. People like us have always existed. Others just haven’t necessarily understood it.”

Five sniffed, and Vanya realized just how much this conversation meant to him. “Thank you, Vanya,” he said, giving her a curt nod. “Could we… Would you mind if we had further conversations on this?”

“Of course not,” she said. And Vanya meant it. She’d never actually met anyone else who was asexual in real life. Apparently she’d grown up with someone else like her and just never known it. “Stop by any time. And Five?”

He’d been about to open the door, but he paused to look back at her.

“Your therapist?” she prompted. “I know you don’t like to open up to her, but I’ve seen her before. She’s good people on the subject.”

Five swallowed hard. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He paused, murmured one last, “Thank you,” and headed out the door.

Vanya sat staring at the open door, thinking about what this meant. Maybe Klaus was right. Maybe, despite this, despite her childhood isolation and awkward adult life, maybe Vanya was the most well-adjusted of her siblings.

If she was abnormal, it was for her ability to turn sound into energy and nothing else.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not asexual, and while I have tried to be respectful, please let me know if you are and feel I depicted something incorrectly or in a tone deaf way.


End file.
